I'd recommend seeing a T, to help you work through your anger.

I have a lot of self-hate, so I can understand that aspect. Once we kick ourselves for one thing, other things (mistakes we've made) pop into our minds and feed into the kicks and intense hatred. Certainly not healthy behavior, I wouldn't want my daughters to do this to themselves. It's miserable! It would be horrible to see them in such pain and misery.

Try to give yourself a break for not being perfect. Reach out to a T, to help you work through your issues. Hopefully, you'll soon see positive results.