Hey Everybody!
I have had thoughts of writing this thread long ago but never knew how to get my point out. Just thought to give it a try...
I feel so tired, confused and lonely! I hate being so forgiving and kind to everyone. This allows them to just hurt me as they wish, knowing that I will simply forgive.
In my family, they care for my elder sis as she was their first one, for my younger bro as he is the only boy and for my younger sis as she is the last little girl.. but as for me I am nothing. They just ask for me when they need me to do some chores. I am just NOTHING to them more than someone who can do the chores without complaining. I hate that I don't ever speak pain out and I just take it and keep it in there inside....
As for my friends I am someone whom when they need they can find. They just come to me when they need some help or when they need a solution. I feel used but I can't do anything about it as I forgive..
I hate that some of them think that I am weak... It kills me inside... I know I am not weak, indeed I think I am so strong to bear all this pain alone and never complain to anyone..
I miss my bf... He was the only one who knew about my bipolar and he never made me feel like one... He made me feel like a princess and an angel.. He was the only one who cared for me.He made me feel secured and safe. He made me feel like the most important girl while I know I am not. I really miss him. I still wonder why did he have to go away
I am tired of crying..I am tired of feeling sad..I am tired of feeling empty inside..I am tired of this fake, sad smile..I am tired of those invisible tears when I am among people and those visible ones when I am alone.. I am tired of being lonely..I am tired of dying each and everyday..I am tired of keeping all the pain inside that my heart can't take it anymore..