I can relate. I am sorry you are struggling. I felt the same way! It all looks / feels so overwhelming. And exhausting. I wish I didnt have a darn timeline! I wish it never happened...I wish it just didn't matter.

But I think if I did not address all of it, feel the real feelings associated with the traumas, instead of stuffing them down, just sit with it in a safe place, I would never truly move past them. Make gains.

I realized last night, all the traumas are "stories" for me. The first time I shared one of my stories with my T, she reminded me to stop and take a breath and feel the feelings associated with it. It became not a story anymore. But a horrible event that I hadn't let myself feel. From start to end. Self protection.

Can you tell your T that you need to take a break from the timeline...it is too much right now...ask if you can talk about the weather instead?

For me, too, the times I didnt want to go to T1 were the times I really needed to go. I just had to find the words. And the strength to drag myself in there. Just drag myself in. Nothing else.

Hugs to you, Rose