I'm sorry, but I need to vent. I have not been on this site in a while b/c I have been so depressed & withdrawn. I have basically been in bed for the majority of the time (awake, though) for the past week.

I am really, really, really, really struggling. Absolutely, totally, completely struggling. I can't do this. I thought I was at rock bottom, but I just keep falling (after I pick myself up again).

My "dr" (so-called) is a complete MORON. He is supposed to be a psychiatrist; howevever, over the last two mos in my appts, he has pretty much divulged his life story to me. This is completely inappropriate, unethical, unprofessional and is really affecting me, especially being in such a vulnearable state. The only reason that I have "hung in" and continued to see this idiot of a "dr" is b/c I am so desparate for help and don't want to go to the hospital - that is hell on wheels. Unfortunately, my last psychiatrist changed his focus from general psych to forensics, so he was just seeing me ~once/month & not giving me the proper therapy. I am stuck with this new jerk until I manage to find a new dr. This jerk hasn't even bothered to call me back to schedule an appt for this (past) week - after I left two messages on his voice mail last Thurs & Fri asking him to please call me for that exact reason. He really needs some help himself. One day when I feel up to it, I will post a message about the crazy, crazy things he has told me about his life & himself. You won't believe it. Oh, and he has touched me inappropriately, too. Nice, eh? I politely confronted him almost two weeks ago about this - which is very difficult for me to do (assert myself and set personal boundries). I asked him to never touch me (on the legs - lower thighs - & shoulder) again. Amazingly (to my surprise), he agreed not to. I am extremely close to writing a letter to the College of Physicians & Surgeons to report him....although I don't have enough energy to right now. (Besides, he told me that he has less than 3 mos to live - terminal leukemia - so I thought I'd try to let it go). (A lot easier said than done). He seems like a complete wack-job & con artist.

It is SO lousy up here in Canada........there are not enough doctors, let alone psychiatrists. Every single new psych (or GP who can do psychotherapy) whom I call is fully booked with no waiting list, not taking on any new patients and does not have any idea as to who else I can call.

I would gladly see a psychologist, but unfortunately I have not been able to work in a very long time. My income barely covers things & psychologists are not covered up here. Psychiatrists are, however. Hence, they are fully booked.

I am so frustrated, so angry, so depressed. Plus, I cannot sleep & only have some "left over" meds that have been scribed to me in the past that I'm using to attempt to sleep. I am so fed up.......

If anyone has any suggestions or words of support, that would be fantastic. I'm sorry to ****** & complain......I am just really, really going through hell right now & the future is totally hopeless. I'm "in the void". I've done so many things to try to help myself and I've tried so hard to do my best lately & over the years of pain & misery.....but where has it gotten me???? I'm still living in pure hell.