Vig, I hope you will find a way to stick with your T and Pdoc for now. Also, I do agree with the other members that it would be really beneficial to look into IOP and/or grief group. I cannot imagine the pain associated with losing a child...

I lost my birth mother (she was a victim of a very violent crime), my first fiancé (drowning) and my second fiancé (cancer), and I still have not "gotten over it".
I don't think we ever do, really. I think we just find ways to cope with the "new" normal.

After F2 passed away, I was beside myself with grief. I could not take anymore. Not one single thing. Not one more loss. I could not do a thing. I was absolutely flat out gone.

But I forced myself to get up and go to group. I found one that really helped. I am not religious by any means and this group was, but nobody EVER forced anything. Grief is grief and they were wonderful.

The one thing I learned is that in the midsts of severe, debilitating grief, it is a good idea to not make any major life changes. And to NOT isolate. That is the worst thing. Although it feels like the natural thing.

It's important to focus on yourself and whatever it takes to get through this incredibly difficult time.

I am not clear about your Pdoc and T...what is it that you are looking for in terms of Rx that you feel will help you with the grief? Are they afraid for your safety?

And, just to throw this out there, Vig, it is NOT your fault. It is NOT your fault.

R