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Dezdemona said:
I sometimes purposely do things (like read a book, watch a show) that wil trigger anxiety. It's almost as if I WANT to bring on a panic attack. Why would anyone want to bring on a panic attack? What is up with this?

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I have been there before.... and my T explained it as a self destructive behavior due to what my inner belief system was saying to ME, due to my wounds.
I was making myself relive the horror, for in some degree I blamed myself, therefore, I subconsciously did things to keep me as a victim.... a TRUE VICTIM!!

BTW................ I rarely do this negative behavior any more - I have grown.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))