Hi dazed....So sorry you're hurting, and so glad you've joined us. I hope you will find some comfort from posting here in the Forums. I'm a little confused about why you might feel that it's "too late", because if you're still breathing, it's not A few thoughts for you. First of all, PLEASE, try to erase that word "faults" from your mind. Whatever you are dealing with, whether it be depression, anxiety, both, or any mood disorder.....it is such a mistake to think of things that way, although if you are suffering from depression it's a common way to feel. I'm sure you are a worthy person, deserving of feeling good, and if you have a mood disorder then you are a victim of an ILLNESS....nothing to be ashamed of any more than if you had osteoporosis. Of course it is easy to feel overwhelmed by thoughts and fears of the future when all of this may be so foreign to you. I'd like to suggest perhaps you could take a few deep breaths and then try and take things one step at a time. If you feel it might help, and you are wondering whether you might be depressed, one idea would be to purchase a book about depression and familiarize yourself with the basics (it is always important to try and inform yourself if you feel scared of the unknown, as most of us are). I would like to (very gently) give you a bit of advice. If you suspect that you may be suffering from depression, or another undiagnosed problem, the first step is most often to see a physician, as he ~she is the one who will be in charge of a diagnosis, and any treatment plan for the future, including (possibly) some day taking medication to help you and ~or talk therapy. But remember, you can just start with that one simple step....when you go to this appointment it's not like you're signing your life away and giving up all rights to make choices as things go along.....step by step. You are not going to be forced to do ANYTHING. I say this only because you seem to be worrying about things that may just be adding to your bad feelings, like being hospitalized, seeing a therapist, or taking meds.....when in fact you don't know if in fact any of these will be a part of your life. I know this was a bit long, but if by chance you're still reading, I pray that you don't let fears of the unfamiliar keep you from seeking ways to feel better. You are a precious spirit and deserve all the best that life has to offer ps....And whatever else happens, we'll be here for you