I feel quite lonely much of the time even when around people...but yeah if people are going to ostracize and mistreat someone because they are different than the norm why would I want to learn to come off as more 'normal' to get along better with those kinds of people? I experienced a lot of not so good things at the hands of other kids and teachers at school as a child, and to me that is not motivation to become normalized that is motivation to remain disturbed by a society that's based on keeping up with the competition and playing the game of social hierarchy or whatever.

But does this mean I refuse to have any interaction with people...I just prefer people who can relate to me, or who I can relate to that have some similar experiences and ways of thinking rather than those who go along with mainstream society and all its ills...I like being around people I am accepted by I admit though sometimes I cannot even trust those people accept me, I get paranoid rather frequently that even those close to me just pretend to enjoy my existance to avoid making me feel bad or I get worried they're mad at me if I haven't heard from them in a while. I am I guess traumatized by all that ostracism and bullying I experienced as a child so I have a hard time convincing myself anyone would actually enjoy my company.