thanks again open eyes, i really do appreciate your replies.

alot of what your saying does make sense. im just a total wreck right now. i wrote my t a letter and gave it to her. so yeah. i see her in about....17hrs. (not counting much) so ill see how it goes. im really nervous about seeing the pdoc. its taken me a good 4 months to trust my T. i hate that i have to start all over again. im still going to see my T. basically i dont like the people i have to talk to at the hospital. and so because i refuse support from them, my T is worried that i have very little support. especially when shes not available out of office hours and not on weekends. i see where shes coming from, but im a very closed off person. i have major trust issues. I have so much confusion. and im hoping my t can help me sort some of it out tomorrow. thanks for your comments though. i am feeling a little better.

((Hugs))