after a nasty and almost violent altercation with my wife last week, i decided i needed to spend some time by myself out of the home in the evenings. probably not the smartest thing for someone like me to do. even less smart, the location where i decided to hang out for a couple of evenings: a local live rock venue

recovery has been good to me and i can see this when i am practicing gratitude and take the time to pay attention to how good my life is compared to "the old days". yet when i am overwhelmed by emotions, especially anger and fear, i find it very difficult to focus on the many, many blessings and good things in my life

i must honestly say, the desire to use drugs has left me a very long time ago. yet, there were some moments during the evenings last week that the old thought was there: "just one". "just one" (drink, hit, rock, shot, puff, etc… all the same, really) 'cos i don't particularly like the way i'm feeling right now

thank God… i know where that leads. and thank God… i realised what a dangerous game i was playing

there's a reason i don't hang out in places like that anymore: i don't belong there anymore

oh, side note: i was also reminded how much drunk people really, really, really, really, (like really!!!!) irritate me these days, now that i'm sober