((Abscondist)) I do think this is something to talk to your therapist about, weather or not it be this coming visit or next.

There are a lot of reasons for self harm--- I differ from others, and others differ from me..

I tend to want to hurt myself for punishment... punishment when I was little was being hit with a belt by dad--- or slapped by mom when we did 'something wrong'... weather or not it be truly wrong, or just what they thought we did....

I do believe for at least me, it was a wire that was built in of - punishment of doing things wrong, punishment in the form of hurting,

Other times of self harm for me is due to feeling of lack of control. Cutting I have control

For others it can range from emotions as well and many other things... some people dissociate when they self harm as well.. it all ranges...

I do need to add that through time and other thinking patterns that developed for myself, that going the route of hurting is not always the first thing all the time in my mind.. other times it is and is dwelled on for far too long, but actions of those thoughts have been better controlled with help (outside a lot) of reminding myself to think positively-- sometimes I do manage to remind myself, but it is a struggling thing to work on for myself.

Love is a difficult subject for myself as well--- to be in pain emotionally is not love, to suffer as some have had me do in the past is not love.. what is my definition of love may vary from yours.... what is love to you? is it beating yourself to feel the love since it is an emotion?

I am not a therapist and probably should not even be posting here, ii am not in therapy right now..

But that is all that I can say on this-- I think you should talk to you Therapist and see what they say.

Many hugs and may you heal with your journey

I am sorry you had such a horrible up bringing kids should not be treated this way.