I am crying as I just opened this page.
TY very much for your very fast replies.
i was very embarresed & ashamed to post this.
i thought that was why no one was replying to me in the other catagory.
i have been searching on the internet to help me decide what it is to make me do this act.
of course all of you should resond, beauflow. thx hankster and all of you.

giving my emotional well being I found a partial list which would include me.

Escape from emptiness, depression, and feelings of unreality
Preventing suicide
Continuing abusive patterns: self-injurers tend to have been abused as children.
Punishing oneself for being "bad"
Providing relief: when intense feelings build, self-injurers are overwhelmed and unable to cope. By causing pain, they reduce the level of emotional and physiological arousal to a bearable one.
Grounding in reality, as a way of dealing with feelings of depersonalization and dissociation

it makes some sense to me now
and all that you all wrote.

thx from my heart to you all.