I'm just a ball of energy right now, so I can't promise that this will make much sense. But I'll try! Some history.. I have been having emotional problems ever since I can remember. Without mentioning any particular details, my family life has been rather stressful, and I always just contributed my inability to cope with things as a result of that. When I was very young. 4 or 5, I created this mental safe space that I called my "black hole".. a place I could go where it was dark and empty and enveloped me in a safe kind of way. Later I would say I was going to go into my black hole to hibernate. I have always tried to find ways to escape (not in a drug or alcohol kind of way, but rather through books or music, or just imagining being in different places.. and it's gotten more elaborate, as now in my room, I try to find ways to create the inner world in my outer space.. so I light candles that smell like forests or a fireplace, play certain typed of music, decorate my room to emulate a forest with birds and a light up moon, etc.) While I don't think I've ever really experienced full on mania (which is why I just got diagnosed with type 2 bipolar) I realize now that my habits of getting extremely nervous.. like my body is pulsing with energy, and my mind "won't shut up" and my habit of getting obsessive over something.. for instance, I'll get it in my head that I want something.. be it a pair of boots, or a kind of perfume, or something (right now it's a sound machine) and I spend ridiculous amounts of time looking around for it, either online or in stores. I don't always act on the impulse.. like I haven't bought boots, perfume or a sound machine. The logical part of me stops me from buying things. But I still get kind of obsessed over finding it. I also get obsessive over learning things (which in a way has made me the great student that I am) But, I get interested in a topic, and suddenly I need to know everything I can possibly know about it.. I spend hours and hours, for days, reading online, going to libraries and getting loads of books about it, buying books, etc. My habit of getting hung up on stuff.. is that common during manic and/or hypomanic episodes? Or is this something else that's going on? I also tend to at times take on all sorts of responsibilities and projects.. I have a crazy drive to be the first and best at everything at times.. so I'm president of two different committees on campus, have a 4.0 gpa, am working on honors in my major, have taken on two minors, etc. Sometimes I feel like I can and want to handle it all, but at other times I just get so overwhelmed. I'm terrified of disappointing people, and feel like people expect me to be great at everything (and I try very hard, and so usually succeed, but not without wrenching my heart out with nerves and worry and anxiety) I used to think that this was just me being highly efficient and academic, but in light of this new diagnosis, I'm wondering if this is a common symptom of the disorder? I have ready mixed opinions on this on other websites. When I went in to my university's counseling center (I was in an extreme depressive state.. would cry uncontrollably at the drop of a hat, no energy, hopelessness, and just overwhelmed with life in general) My father is quite abusive (verbally mostly) and my mother suffered a brain aneurysm about 10 years before I was born, so in many ways I have always been the "adult" in my family (I'm an only child). I also recently found out I have mitral valve prolapse and supraventricular tachychardia with an accessory pathways in my heart, so that has risen my level of anxiety immensely. I was referred to the campus psychiatrist, who last week thought I had major anxious depression and put me on an antidepressant (zoloft). During all of last week, I started going crazy with the energy levels.. I absolutely could not keep still. My hands and feet were constantly bouncing or moving in some way, and try as I might, I couldn't control it. My thoughts began to race even more than they usually do. I thought this was just a side-effect of starting the antidepressant, but the psychiatrist said my reaction to it is a pretty concrete sign that it's not depression that I have, but rather bipolar disorder (type 2, she suspects). So. Wow, I am so sorry for typing so so much! I'm just going a little crazy right now. I still have so much energy, and I need to talk to other people who can relate maybe, and also perhaps tell me if what I'm going through is normal, and maybe what I can do for it. I am now taking Lamotrigine (25mg or the next two weeks, and then larger doses after that) and also 1mg of Clonazepam in the morning and at night to help slow me down (although it doesn't seem to be helping much, as I still have LOTS of energy. It's not like me to be so hyper.. I usually rather lay i bed most of the day, so I'm just not sure how to handle this. Anyway.. I'll stop now. Again, I'm really sorry for typing so much! I hope I don't scare off people. Yikes. Thanks for letting me get this out here at least.. I keep a journal too, and it's the same kind of experience, but with this, I thought maybe (if you can get through reading all this nonsense) maybe I could get some support and feedback. Thank you again,

M.