Hi. I was married to a mentally abusive man for 20 years. It took me that long to get the courage to tell him I was leaving. It took another year and a half to get myself and my children out without being killed. (mental abuse doesn't leave police evidence and a restraining order doesn't stop a bullet). After I left, I went to therapy for years and dealt with what I had to, so I think my head is back on straight. (although the cracks will remain)

Now I find myself very much in love with a fellow named Jim and we have been dating for four years. The kids love him. He moved in 3 months ago and I'm having a lot of trouble. When he does something that I might constue as verbally abusive I totally freak and it takes me a long time to calm down. I am ready to kick his butt out and say goodbye forever, and when I finally calm down, I cry for hours because he really has been the best person in my life. (He helped to teach me how to stand up for myself and is not a threat to me). The next day I look back at the way I reacted and I can't beleive at the overreaction when all I had to do was say 'don't say that' and he would've listened.

Has anyone had this experience with a new relationship, and what did you do? did it go away? any tips? I used to be so passive and now I'm the agressor.