jennie, thanks for the non-jugments. I will be deciding soon. I also forgot to tell everyone that i was in a car accident many years ago. I am now well over 35 age.
I broke my neck without complication of paralsis. so was very fortunate. But, then the psych people got hold of me and totally destroyed my health. The meds have adverse side-effects, but are under control. Anyway, i like your approach. Perhaps, it is best if i accept the fact that work may be too stressful for me. In my heart, as a man, i need to work. I am Dutch and it's difficult not to have work or structure or as important.. enough money to live. I was thinking about how many times i have been in the hospital for schizophrenia. around 5 times maybe 6 over the last 10-15 yrs. That's just a guess but i guess that's not too bad. The thing i would like most is for acknowledgement of the recovery process and the work it takes to get there. Having the coping mechanisms in place to get there, including finances and of course social support. But, social support is lacking at this time. I have been exploring living like a "functional reclusive" now. That means I will just create things to do to keep me busy each day and pass the time on computer, writing memoirs, or journalling, along with listening to music. BTW- a cup of coffee or tea is an excellent alternative to alcohol, but due to the stressors in my life right now, i am comfortable consuming "just beer" as mandyfins warned me about. Thanks to all of you, for the record, the mental health dept worker called me an alcoholic on paper and lied about it. I know that sounds like denial but its true. I would only consume a few beers on weekends pretty much and that does not make an alcoholic. Alcoholics need the drink each day and that is the first and only thing that consumes them. Also, when i was hospitalized in the past, a hard core conservative judge who deals with alcholism tried to impose his religiousity on me. I have been extremely careful in the consumption of alchohol. The thing that keeps me away from the hard liquor was an experience i once had, of being "guilty" of lonliness one evening. I drank wayyyyy to much and ended up hugging a toilet. I did not like the way it felt and the consequences of my actions. So, i cried out to god that night. But as a result.. I will never drink to excess now.
there is no history of alcholism in my family. NONE.
So, that is another factor. genetics. But, for the most part, My body due to my car accident, becomes arthritic when i drink too much and signals me, to stop. way i see it as a built in protection not to imbibe too much.
but, i feel differently about beer. this much is known. Beer makes me feel either real good inside and strentghens me like people over in Europe who drink
(octoberfest) and things like that.. and then i think of men in England (GB) who after work, the first place they show up is the PUB. and drink on a daily basis.
So, in part, beer mellows. but hard liquor makes a man mean. this is where i am coming from. I would never "force" a man into a 12 step program against his will. It it better IMHO, to drink in moderation than to try to unsuccessfuly stop drinking altogether or cold turkey. (sorry about the long rant) and hope it doesn;t sound like preaching....

somebody asked if would be happy qualifying for a section 8 housing voucher???? that is the big question. my reply... I would happy in a home environment of home ownership in a safe neighborhood without tooo much mental illness, druggies and welfare living. A quiet little cul de' sac..
but, then again, i was never "free" to choose. due to my
illness if you will, i have been court orderd by a judge as to where to live and have only once lived in a duplex with roomates. I was lucky to have good roomates for the most part. I was the one who took control of balancing the houshold budget and that felt good.