Trigger for also discussing abuse





I have big blanks in my memories as well. I can remember the lead up and then afterwards. Sometimes I have memories that are . . . twisted somehow. Like I am watching from across the room while my mother just kicks and kicks a kid on the ground. Technically, I know that kid was me and there's no way I was watching it from a perspective that would have meant I was sitting in an easy chair across the room, but that's the way I remember it.

Regarding the sexual abuse, I have a very detailed memory of what the ceiling looks like in my bedroom, the headboard of my sister's bed, the hooks on the bra my mother always wore. There are gaps around and between those memories. I think it's pretty normal.

The first twenty years after I first acknowledged that I had been sexually abused, I had no real feelings about it other than a vague queasiness sometimes, and usually not even that. It's quite irritating and weird that now that I'm in my 40's it is bothering me.