(((Ticlie Otops))),

It sounds to me like you are struggling with PTSD. Are in in therapy? You cannot heal on your own if you have PTSD, you need to work with a therapist so you can learn how to deal with these unwanted nightmares etc. Ofcourse you want someone to comfort you. You have a very troubled history to work through and get support with.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes