Ticli-Otops, I was in your place in a big way when I was your age. At your age I had severe, crippling depression. If I didn't cry--I usually held it in--I was angry ALL the time. I had a few panic attacks, but I think I just had a general unease and anxiety all thruout my teen years.

I know all too well the feeling of waking up and knowing you're alone. I had a completely absent father, and a mother who was stretched thin and simply could not relate to what I was dealing with. I spent a lot of my high school years sleeping; it was the only way I had to cope. I also had close friends decide over summer break they no longer wanted to be my friends---with no reason given, and these were girls I had a lot of classes with. I learned early to depend on myself, to get used to my own company, even though I was miserable all of the time. I'm not sure how I graduated. I was hospitalized one time but it was fruitless. The one thing I did have--and I don't know your history--was Alateen. My dad is an alcoholic, and at the time no one I knew had alcoholic parents. Alateen is for children/teenagers of alcoholics. That place may have been what kept me alive; I could walk in that room bouncy or completely miserable, my hoodie masking my face, and I was totally embraced and accepted as I was. Plus, there were kids in there who knew EXACTLY what I was going through--no one else in my life did. That healed a lot for me. Maybe there is a place like that for you where you live?? In its own way it was a high point in terms of self-care.

I hope you can find something--or someone--whom you can be yourself to: cry, anxious, whatever, and they can be there for you. It is so hard when you're a teen and your options are more limited than an adult's.

Feel free to message me if you want. Maybe now that you're reading this you're feeling some better.