Stopdog, the very few memories I have of childhood are remembered without emotion. I don't think I was physically abused (although one time I had panic reaction while reading a novel and 'remembered' a belt being wrapped around a fist getting ready to whip someone). If anything I may have been born too sensitive and I felt any kind of rebuke deeply.

But, my T tells me that it's not imperative that I remember. The issues come up with my reactions now to innocuous stuff. I will over-react sometimes and my T tells me it's clear that I'm over-reacting to past childhood events that the current circumstance 'looks like'.

For example, a friend of mine this week was irritated. But she didn't tell me she was irritated. She just told me she needed a few minutes alone before we went out. But me, I just bolted and could not engage her for the day.

I kept wondering why I was over-reacting. Her request was understandable (I thought) and we were on good terms. I kept pondering why I was so upset and I could not get to the bottom of it. And I could not overcome the feelings I had.

What was revealed later is that my friend wanted to take some time to center herself before we went out. At that time I did not learn from her that she was in a bad mood (the mood had nothing to do with me).

So, when I saw her face and felt her energy, it must have reminded me of what I saw in my mother before I 'got into trouble'.

So, Stopdog, maybe it's not critical for you either to replay past events with emotions. Maybe just noticing your reactions to current situations and feeling them and wonder if they really do come from a place of childhood pain. So, it's maybe the current emotions that need more exploring than the presently inaccessible childhood emotions.

idk, just throwing out an idea...