hey guys.
im still feelin real low today, i had a bad day yesterday emotionally but today is worse, i just cant get myself out of this mood. i feel really upset, feel like the slightest thing will set me off cryin. and ive got a bad headache and my shoulder STILL hurts!

and i feel really guilty cos my brother said to me earlier that my dad is drinkin again and he is quite unhappy today and my brother said i should talk to my dad, and i responded "no, im not talkin to him wen hes drinkin!" and now i feel guilty, but i just dont feel capable of it, is that a really selfish thing to do. i am a strong person, but wen i get in this mood i end up feelin guilty for not bein there for people wen they might need me. i feel really anti-sociable today, i cant hold down a conversation with anyone, im not myself, i cant connect with anyone and i just cannot be myself. and then im expected to be there for others. i know my dad isnt happy lately, and i have you guys to talk to, who does he have? thats why i feel guilty. i never ask for anyone to be there for me in return ya no, but then ive always gone through life worryin about other people and carin about how they feel, and if someone is unhappy at the same time as me, i usually be strong for them and leave my feeling aside whilst i help them out, but i just cant do it today. i will try, so i might be back later guys. i just dont feel strong today. i feel lonely again, unattractive and my confidence in myself is really low over the last few days. and i just dont no wat to do.no doubt i will sort myself out soon enough, im sure this is just my body doin wat needs to be done, but i feel tired, like i said ive got a bad headache, my shoulder hurts as im typin this, i feel all hot and bothered cos its hot here, and i just feel like cryin. i think i might, just let it all out by havin a good cry, maybe i will do that before i go and have a chat to my dad, build up some strength first.

another thing that bugs me is that im always the one that is expected to "talk" to people, like today for instance, my brother didnt talk to him, whats wrong with him doin it for a change! i suppose im always expected to because i always have done it so it just comes naturally. im makin it out to be as though i dont really care about people but i do, i really do. i love talkin to people wen they are down, comfortin them, makin them feel better, i am really good at it and i like bein there for people and i hope people know that im there for them...but tonight just seems hard to do it. does that sound selfish to you, cos it does to me?

hope to speak soon guys.
and i hope your all doin ok, will read through some posts now to catch up on all the latest.

thanks for listenin.