I am so frustrated I could cry. But it want help. So I'll set here angry and full of questions. I knew things had gone to smooth for to long. We are having a yard sale this weekend to make some extra money and get red of stuff to. We are doing the sale Th, F, and Sat. My H wanted to know when was I gonna have time to clean the house I clean it all week here and there. Saturdays the whole house gets it good, everything all done in one day. Not the way I want to spend every Saturday for the rest of my life. So I told my H I didn't plan on cleaning alot. He wanted to know why not. Who was gonna clean it. I asked him if we could just leave it one time. One time out of the 54 weekends in a year. That was not the right answer.

Then he went on a rampage about my car being yucky. It is, I admit it, we eat meals in that poor car, we do homework in the car, we go to church in the car. There are always me and a 5 year old in the car. Most of the time it has a 12 yr old and a 14 yr old in it to. Try serving meals to 4 people in the car. The car is dirty but it doesn't bother me. Not in the least. I throw away trash when I get an opportunity. I vacuum it seldom but not never. I wash the floor mats less than I vacuum but still not never. The car doesn't bother me. I am quite comfortable with it messy. My H said now you can take some of your yard sale money and get it detailed. I told him I don't think so. It doesn't bother me and if he has a problem with it then he can pay to get it detailed. His answer was I guess I want be buying your next car then. (Good that always helps make someone feel better) You mean to tell me you don't love me enough to keep thisw car clean for me. My responce was you don't love me enough to let me keep my car the way I want to. Again wrong answer. If you love me and you know this bothers me then why do you let this happen. WHAT Because I love you it looks the way it does. I got the ketchup packs out, I threw away drink cans, you can see the seat. I didn't do it for me. It didn't bother me. I did it for you.

See what I'm up against. I don't know if it is me who has the problem of reading to much into things, is it me who is not compromising enough or is it him who wants to much control over things. I know this is petty. But the little things seem to add up somehow and turn into big things. I'm just so tired of trying. I just want to be left alone. I just want to relax somewhere. I can't relax in my own home because it has to look like a show case. How about the car. Nope I guess not.