Well, I can dish it out sometimes but I can't take it. Today, I was told by my best friend in a recovery group that he didn't want to go to the museum and had to go to talk to his councelor for an appointment. Last evening he wanted me to be serious and tell him if I love him or just like him. I laughed and said "Of course I like you, my friend." He was hurt, maybe, I just am not wanting to get emotionally involved with love wording. The trouble is that a few weeks ago when I was driving him home from support group,"Goodnite, I Love YOu" Slipped out of my mouth. So I dished it out, didn't I? I should right away do something. I needed to tell him something. I kept telling him, I wanted to just be a friend, as I did last night, yet, My body english says other things and my tone ALSO tell other things. So...............OH MY .....a mess is here, my emotional backyard needs work. Plus I have decided, to be gay. I have been unkind to J. my new friend, and rude as well. I am glad that none of you had a tape recording of some of my words with him, because, I didn't say things well, nor politely, nor kindly and frankly used my being a lesiban as an excuse for my fear of his showing me any form of affection, especially the physical kind, such as touching me or something like that. Yes, I feel ashamed of myself. I want to be a lesbian though but, maybe I have to clean up my social behavior. I don't think a woman of my sometimes good social talent did too good.