I have T tomorrow and I can tell its not going to go well. I have this pattern (T knows about it) where I get to so many sessions in and my emotions (esp aggression) get out of control and then the therapy ends. I can tell tomorrow is going to be that session... you can feel it beforehand, it is unmistakeable. I should note that when I say aggression I mean verbal.. I would not hit a T (thank god!).

The obvious answer to this one is "talk to T about it". I did that with the last 4 or so therapists and it did not help nor did it stop the pattern. So either I'm talking about it wrong or it was not the right thing to do. The last T I brought in a rubber band on my wrist (you know the rubber-band-flicking-trick) and when I started to do it she got very alarmed. Weird because it wasn't even very hard but the rubber band thing works to snap me out of it. This T told me she doesn't like the rubber band idea either. So that one is out.

I think the issue is that I go in there already triggered and once triggered, only pain (eg rubber band manuevre) will get me out of it. Whenever they say anything whatsoever it just escalates my anger until I have to leave.

Is there a proper way to bring the topic up?? Maybe I've been doing it wrong with the previous Ts. I need to somehow bring it up without escalating the anger (which is VERY difficult to do). Maybe just a statement of the facts with no emotion (the facts of my "pattern") might do it. If I leave the emotional stuff alone maybe my aggression wouldn't escalate? I have no idea :O

Or anyone got a chill pill I can borrow? lol

edited to add: I don't want to ruin this therapy. She's probably the best T i've been with so far. It would be a huge bummer to let this one get away.