The sleep pills I've tried don't always work for me, and few doctors want to give those out regularly especially without other mood drugs. Sure, I could just not take the others and pretend I was but, like I said they don't always work and have unpleasant side effects.

It's easier to cope when I don't expect to sleep than with pills that don't work reliably.

And I dislike doctors, accept life is meaningless and simply existing is acceptable when need be.