It's him. We're responsible for what we want, not what someone else wants; that's their responsibility. He wants the house a certain way? He can make it that way all he wants. He (and sounds like you too) are still going on lessons learned and impulses from when you were growing up (his mother kept a clean house or his father insisted on a clean house or something; yours may have done the same so you are keeping your car like you like instead of like your controlling mother/father/husband might).