I'll be honest, I really wish I was dead. I just wish something terrible would happen to me because I'm too much of a coward to hurt myself. I've tried to cut myself but just couldn't do it. I tried to swallow so pills but a family member stopped me.
I look at my life and think why me? What did I do? I try so hard to be a good person even though I'm suffering on the inside. The small group of friends that I do have all think I'm this amazing person but I'm just acting. When I'm with then I try and act like the person I want to be but once I'm no longer in their company I just go back to the sad excuse of a human being that I am.
I know that there are people out there that have had it as bad as me, maybe even worse and some of them manage to rise above their pain but that's not me. No matter what I do or who tries to 'help' me I never get better. I can't ask for help as stupid as that may sound. I just can't drop the so called mask of the person I pretend to be. So, I know I'm harming myself more by not asking for help but who's going to help me?
My family? No.
My friends? No.
I'm all alone.
I know I have depression as well as a truck load of other unfortunate things. I wish I could just be shipped of to some mental hospital, due to the fact that I'm too scared to end my own life. If I wasn't so scared about the unknown, life after death so to speak, I would have ended my life a long time ago. What good am I to the world any way? I'm not special, I'm nobody.
I just can't take it any more. I'm just going to slowly waste away. I'm so mad and so upset about so many things in life. I don't know what to do any more.