I know for me, to express anger or any strong emotion after being abused was not acceptable and resulted in even worse abuse. There were several times it was like my mother had amnesia after an event. I'd be weeping and she would ask me what I was crying about. Um. You just finished hitting me with a belt to the point where I could not stand. Remember? And she either didn't or wouldn't acknowledge that she did and would become angry at me for making up stories. Or I would have welts from the board or the belt or whatever she found handy to use on me (because it hurt her hand too much to use her hand -- I actually heard her say that to my father when he told her he thought she shouldn't use a board to hit me), and she would ask me how I got those marks.

But my all time favorite was the time I was struck for not looking at my father when he was talking to me. THEN, when I did look at him, I was struck again and told to "don't look at me like that." So, not only could I not express the emotion, I could not even allow the emotion to show in my eyes. I had to find a way not to feel at all or I truly risked even more serious injury.

anyway, the point of my stupid gruesome story is not only could we not safely show emotions, we could not safely HAVE emotions. The rage and hatred and fear would prevent our "care-givers" from settling down and meant we would not get even what little dribbles of connection or care giving or whatever they were willing to show sometimes. And also, having those emotions just caused more abuse. So it makes sense to just not have those feelings from a survival standpoint.

From a therapy standpoint, I was able to acknowledge anger before I was able to access any other emotions. The one I had the most trouble admitting to was fear. I went through therapy the first time in college, again just after law school (briefly), just after my daughter was born, and now in my 40's. I have just now gotten to fear.