I can very much relate to this struggle...and I haven't been very successful in allowing myself to entirely feel those big feelings. I get to a place where it's too much, and then I retreat to regain some sense of control...it's a pattern that I've noticed but have not taken action to change.

I do know that by regaining control of where those feelings go is not quite healthy, as it just gets stored in that reservoir, just to boil over at another time....It takes energy to store those emotions. They don't truly go away without being worked through. Storing the emotions, keeping them at bay....all takes energy...so there's no real relief in storing them....only the relief of immediate fear of losing control....but that fear is still there, just less apparent....Such a struggle.