To Be, I am so sorry you are going through such a rough patch right now. You need to talk to someone asap. Do you have medical insurance? If you do, then I would call them and ask if they have a behavioral section, and maybe they can put you in touch with someone in your area who you can talk to, and who can help you with some coping skills and help you understand why you feel this way. One simple phone call can feel like a burden lifted from your shoulders. I know. I've felt this way myself. Please let us know how you are doing. There are people who care. The person who typed this is one of them.