Sorry you're not in good place right now suga I know what it's like to worry about the depression coming back! It was crippling anxiety for awhile and I wasn't even in a depression. But we remember how bad one of the last ones was and never want to return there. I think I've had about 6 months now without a depression. I have down times, but the big one hasn't hit again. So with this time passing, I'm less and less worried about it. And while I'm not worrying about it, gives me space to come up with ideas about how I'll handle it if it does. Now I'm able to just have a good cry when I need, or take a day in bed with movies, but it's not lasting months. I hope you might be able to feel something like this as you get more time passing.

Also, I want to say that a lot of people read the posts but don't answer. Not everyone is comfortable writing on here. I think someday they'll pop-up and say, hi I am here I have been reading and am ready to write now.