I have to wonder, Chopin, if it doesn't frustrating for the two of you simply because you want to savor every little bit of the process while your T (probably most Ts) wants to move smoothly on to the subsequent course.
I'm sad there's so much upset for the two of you over The Mother ... I have a similar issue & read The Emotionally Absent Mother. Don't know whether I'll ever find resolve, the relatives who might have insight are all long gone.
I think of you often, pushing on in your journey ...
Roadie