I have suffered depression all my life. As a child, I was the youngest of 3. When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, we moved out of state. My brother and sister stayed behind to finish high school, so it seems like I was an only child - my brother and sister were quite a bit older. For most of my life we moved every year, sometimes every 6 months because of my father's job. I was always the outsider, the one not accepted, the fat kid, on and on. So I think I learned that it was just easier to be by myself, not expect anything from anyone, and NEVER ask for anything. Now I'm 52 and feel like I am on a downward spiral. My Dr. says I need to do DBT which I am willing to do, but it seems like time has run out for me. I have no children, my brother, sister and father are still alive but they don't accept that I have depression and certainly don't want to hear about my problems. All they want to hear is sunshine. lollipops and rainbows (as the song goes). I lost my Mom 3.5 years ago and have realized that nobody loves me or can ever love me like she did, and now she's gone.

I am isolated, lonely (my husband is more like a room mate, no intimacy at all) and just cannot make any friends. It seems like the harder I try, the harder I am pushed away. I can't take REJECTION. So I am trying to learn and get insight so that I can have hope, because living like this - alone - is not living.

I am new and can't figure out how to post. I hope they will publish this because I really want to reach out and get help. Also, not sure how to use icons, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Just don't REJECT me!?!