I appreciate you posting Chopin, and I can very much relate to what you're realizing right now. It has been something I've been wishing for yet fighting at the same time, because as much as I wish T could be my mom and let me re-experience what I missed growing up, the hard realization that she can't has been painful. Can't Explain put it well.... cause this grief process is excruciatingly painful, but it's so much better than continuing the fantasy of T as Mom would have been. It's a lot healthier, too, to have T as T who can talk with me about what I wished my mom could have done, and can encourage me to give that to myself. And it's nice to have T as T who can then help me pick up the pieces when those attempts repeatedly fail. And I know that T will also be there to celebrate with me when they finally succeed. And actually, the hole CAN be filled. We just have to fill it ourselves.

Keep doing the work you're doing. It's hard and it sucks but it will be worth it in the end.