I'm so sorry you are hurting. I understand your feelings, and have experienced them myself, but would respectfully disagree that you are a terrible person. I believe things can get better and that healing is possible for everyone. I'm glad you posted and hope your bad feelings improve.
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dailyhealing
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller
Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan
“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.