There's a statement that adults often say & mean whole-heartedly, and it's this:, "Kids can be SO Cruel!!"

It's very true! Personally, I aimed towards the kids who were outsiders, like myself. I never made fun of others. Didn't laugh when others were hurt, etc. Because I was on the other side too many times in my life...I knew how miserable it was for those being laughed at. A lot of times, those kids that I tried to support out of kindness would lash out at me and put me down further, to bring themselves up in the crowd. That just crushed me every time!

I finally made my first friend at the end of 6th grade, another "loner" due to a broken leg. She helped me get through a couple of tough years, and then moved onto a magnet school. (It's a school devoted to smart kids.) I wasn't smart enough, had mediocre grades, so I had to stay behind. My family moved again, so I had a choice. Either go to a new school for 10th grade, or stick with the other and just walk farther.

The last couple of years were more struggles in 4 more schools. It was HARD! While I wanted to be smart or pretty, a good dancer...something...I just wasn't. That was very difficult for me to accept. I did learn something throughout my negative childhood and adolescence though. I needed to do what I felt comfortable with.

So, I spent a lot of time writing dark poetry, to get the feelings out. I also spent a lot of time at the ocean, losing myself in the tranquility of the waves splashing. That was my emotional escape. I also toyed with the idea of writing a story for a teen magazine, to talk about some of my heartache in hopes of educating others, to make our society a more understanding and caring place. I never gave these stories or poems away, I've held onto them & occasionally look back upon them. Point is, you don't need to impress anyone as you work through your emotions. You just need to let them out in a non-hurtful way.

One of my very first poems ~ I was around 16 y.o. when I wrote it...
"Lies"

Lies, sweet lies
The never-ending shame
No one tries to compromise
All they do is blame