Nope, you're definitely not alone. I push people away and then beg them to come back. If they get the hint early enough, the abandonment thing isn't too bad, but if they actually stick around through that beginning period and convince me I can trust them (which takes forever), the fear of abandonment is great and the abandonment itself is completely overwhelming. My bf abandoned me 15 years ago and to this day I STILL try to contact her on occasion, and I am in the middle of going through it again. I've decided that until I can work out some of my issues, it's not worth trying to have friends. I just can't put someone through that again and go through the pain again. It's just too much. I'm glad you've found us. No.....you're not alone. May that give you a little comfort. That knowledge has helped me tremendously.