there's a guy in some of the groups i go to and everytime i see him he just stares at me, like sits and stares without hiding it and doesn't turn away and respond when someone speaks to him. it's been making me really uncomfortable. i keep telling myself he must be very unwell and that's why he does it. today in a group it was really bad, i decided i wouldn't go to the groups anymore because it's too much for me to handle.

the group we were at today is away from the centre and they drive us there and back. one worker took one person early and asked this guy if he wanted to go to, he looked at me directly and laughed/smirked and said no he'd stay. when it was time to leave we were all waiting on one person and the guys said to me, why don't you and i just take a walk a while that way (pointing at the front door), and was standing really close to me. I said no, the cars that way (pointing at the back door). and then we left. it's a mini van thing we go in and in the middle seat it ended up just him and i. i purposefully put my bag on the middle seat between us and he smirked. the whole trip he was looking at me. the worker dropped us near the shopping centre and train station because we all needed to go that way and it saved us the walk from the centre. i was first out of the car and i walked away towards the shopping centre fast because i wanted to get away from him. i was about a block away, i turned back and saw him about a metre from the car. within seconds he was walking really closely to me, i was basically off the footpath. he was kinda laughing under his breath. i ran across the road before the lights changed and kept walking fast towards the shops. some how he was right behind me again. so i basically ran into the back entrance of a huge department store to get into the shopping centre fast. he didn't seem to follow me after that.

i was expecting a call from my T about 30 min later so i just found somewhere quiet but not too quiet to sit and wait trying to calm down, because i was too scared to leave the shopping centre to get my bus incase he was there.

when my T called i explained that I had been putting it down to him being unwell and i had decided to remove myself from the situation. and then i told her about what had just happened and she basically said i was blowing it out of proportion.
she said:
>he wouldn't be allowed in the group if he was dangerous (how can they be sure? i've been told that before and then basically been attacked by another patient)
>he's unwell, he might just want to be friends (even if this is true which i doubt, what he did is not okay and someone needs to tell him that)
>i'm just anxious and making it seem worse (yeah i do get freaked out, but i get scared of plenty of guys who look at me funny or whatever and i don't hide in a shopping centre crying and shaking, this is different.)

i'm so angry that she said that. she told me to think over the weekend how proportionate i was being and we'd talk about it monday.

she should know this brings back stuff from the abuse. and that the hallucination of the man i see looks at me exactly the same way while telling me he will r*** me.

i can't go back to the centre because i'm too scared to see him again. so that means quitting DBT. but that's fine because i can't see a therapist who thinks i'm blowing things totally out of proportion. my ffamily thinks that, and thats part of the problem.

i still feel so scared i don't even want to leave my house again even though i have no idea where he lives and he doesn't know where i live.

the bit that's upsetting me thee most is T saying that i'm blowing it out of proportion even when i was sitting in the shopping centre crying and shaking telling her.

the way he looked at me those couple of times today, that's not just cuz he's unwell. well maybe he's extremely unwell and dangerous and shouldn't be in groups. but he's not just unwell and doesn't know what he's doing. that look in his eyes, he knows exactly how uncomfortable he's making me.


i don't even know why i'm posting... i'm just so angry.

does anyone agree with T that i'm blowing things out of proportion? please don't be horrible if you do agree, like tell me you agree with her because i'd like to know but please say it nicely.. i'm feeling fairly fragile right now.