Hey there AshRuckus; (AshR for short?)

I think I'll start off with saying labels really suck when it comes down to it-and yet it can be so frustrating when we don't know what exactly is going on with ourselves too. Anything 'unknown' bothers us humans. ASPD is really complicated anyway-19million different terms, and if you're this that means you are also that and type this, but yet does not mean you are also this. lol

In addition I'm starting to notice that being considered ASPD is like getting into a VIP club lately, and fair enough because the 'club' is the only place you're going to get accepted if you have the disorder, otherwise you're generally hated everywhere, or no one even knows because you hide it well. So all the more worse if you are struggling in between or are perceived that way-what a cluster****.

That being said-sounds like you are not feeling content that you end up faking, lying, or seeing everything from a distance[?] (that is, seeing everyone as objects). Or maybe you are feeling curious about what life would be like if you didn't have to spend the energy dealing with people in that manner everyday?

Thought I should mention too that introverts get depleted of energy by socializing-I feel that first hand-I go through bouts of been so social on this sight to nothing for months-socializing in itself gets exhausting even when I am truly enjoying a conversation. People that are extraverts, however, can get energy from being social-I'm thinkin that is definitely not the case with you though.

Anger. Anger is really the bodies way of telling you that you have been hurt...lets say trespassed or offended. I am curious with "Here Today's" line of thinking, wondering why the change two years ago. And sure enough, even more curiosity concerning all the years before the last two.

If you are not feeling ecstatic about having to cope everyday instead of just being able to live everyday, then you have every right to want to question it. I really don't think antisocials would want to stay the way they are if they realized how difficult their lives were or know different, but since I am not ASPD I don't want to assume anything, nor do I want anyone to change if they are content with themselves.

Wanted to borrow this line from girl_interupted:

"Why do so many people think they're a Sociopath, just because they like a bit of blood and they're a bit 'badass' and 'b*tchy'? It takes a lot more than that."

It really does have to suck when you've had to live a certain way your whole life and then someone tells you they can relate but doesn't or can't even begin to understand the half of it-it's frustrating and maybe disappointing too. There are so many cliche's out there that society believes and assumes, and a lot of people out there who think they can just read up on "psychopaths" and think they know them or share a connection-when this happens it makes the disorder seem all too easy and transparent. Liking the sight of blood and the desire to hurt animals, and the additional example I'll add here- laughing at a funeral. These so surface level. I have to imagine it is like becoming blind mid-way through life and someone saying "yeah I got bleach in my eye once and couldn't see anything for a day so I know how you feel". Would that not be robbing the blind person of the gravity they experience?

This is where I start to feel like an *** for speaking for ASPD's, so it would be cool if someone who has ASPD would take it from here in their experiences, if they want.

So AshR, I'm not trying to downplay your situation either, but wanted to give you an idea of why the strong reaction, which is still not even my right to describe. What you experience is what you experience, and I would try and find the things in this life that make you feel the most content with who you are-you may need help doing so. I found my therapist through psychology today-its kind of a neat site because it tells you if they are sliding scale (will adjust cost to your income or lack of) and what type of therapy you want. Its pretty cool I only pay $25 and I am very happy with the therapist. Don't know if I'm allowed to refer to websites on here so discretion advised or something, I guess.

Take care and good luck,
-obj