Thanks for everyone's replies. I am not in a good place today. I sent T the following email today. The first paragraph was about scheduling. The second paragraph:

I wrote the above part yesterday and saved it as a draft because I didn't want to bombard you with email. Today, it's hard for me to send this because I'm fighting ever wanting to come back again. It all feels like too much right now. I cannot write the distortions down, there are too many of them. I feel like a failure, that you would just rather me be gone, that it would make you happy never to have to see me again. Please help me. Please don't give up on me.

I called my boss and came clean with him that I am dealing with depression and felt on the verge of a panic attack this morning. He said he picked up on the depression earlier in the week and that's why he's been cutting me some slack. I'm so grateful for him.

I hope T replies. If she doesn't, I'm probably going to feel that the distortions are true, whether they are or not. I hope not, but I know my pattern.