(((((((((((Chopin)))))))))))))

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I know that your T isn't giving up on you and that she DOES want to see you, but you have to hear that from her, don't you?

You're grieving for what T can't give you, at least that's the way I understand. When I've felt that way I also wanted to give up. Life, even though it's good, seemed worthless to me. If T couldn't love me the way I wanted her to, then I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Fortunately those feelings don't last. Like any grieving, they come and go but while you're in them, they feel like it will be forever.

I know it sounds trite, but you WILL come to realize that no matter what your T says about the terms and words you use, she does give you a lot of the nurturing you want and need. It's just not exactly the way you want it, but it CAN be good enough. You have a close relationship with your T; it's real and unique. You have to grieve the other before you can accept it, though.

If I'm off base with my thoughts, please know that I care about you a lot and hope you feel better soon!!