The feelings of physical lonliness does come to me, only with mixed feelings. Like for instance I have been so used to having no one here besides myself for so long now, that in some weird way it has changed me. I sit here all the time feeling like it would be nice for an old friend to call or come over. The other day a friend of mine called and asked me if it would be alright to come over and visit, I said of course. When she got here she told me she could only stay for about 15 minutes, because of something she forgot about.

At fist, I was hurt wishing we could visit for longer. Only then after about 5 minutes as she and I visited I started to get really anxious feelings, I didn't have any thing to say. I tried my best to carry a conversation, only the whole time thinking to myself I wish she would just go, and get out of here. So she had to leave, after 15 minutes, I was relieved.

It isn't just her it is like anyone who I visit here, freaks me out.

But, sounds creepy but it isn't I like to go to the bus station and on a nice day observe people. I guess that is kind of my way of physical contact (not sex) just to watch people. I sit there for about 45 minutes, then get my bus and go home. I guess I need physical contact only not with communication, or such. Just need to be around people and have distant physical contact with an occasional Hello.

Take Care,
Kris

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!