Sannah - a conversation about not always connecting with my feelings because I don't want to or can't at times? She already is aware of this. I'm confused as to what you mean when you said "not connecting with your feelings means that you're not there yet" - where is there?

Do you think it is possible to be ashamed of having ordinary feelings? My therapist says all the time that my feelings are ordinary. I think she is trying to normalise them, and at times it is helpful but at others I become embarrassed for having such ordinary feelings and being in therapy for them. This makes me not want to talk about the ordinary things I find really difficult as I feel like I should be able to manage better.

I don't 'get' feelings. I mean I know everyone has them and we are all supposed to as human beings, but then we can only express them at certain times with certain people in certain ways...how does that work?!

Thankyou mixedup_emotions for understanding. I have a fantasy that if I was in a retreat somewhere that I felt safe for an extended period I would have a breakdown and get all of my emotions out and move on. In reality I doubt I would be able to do that because, as you say, retreating is almost an unconscious action. Let me know if you find a way out of this struggle!