thanks. what that means... (i was getting there kinda semi sorta) is that it can be helpful to process those feelings by talking to your t about them at times.

unfortunately... i've had so much bad therapy that i don't trust them particularly... but in theory they are supposed to be equiped to handle such things... sigh. but i guess if the distraction gets too bad... well... it would probably be worth processing it with your t.

i tend to feel attracted to male clinicians. but i guess my pathology... my father left me with a mother who abused me. he walked when i was 7 and fairly much didn't look back. he never used to hit me or anything. i missed him so much. t's that are older... become kinda father figures. but then i have some SA by older father figure types (who showed an intereset in me after my dad left) and so I get sexual transference tied up in there too. confused... basically. i can kinda see where the feelings come from... if they don't care about me like that then they don't care about me... if they care about me like that then they won't leave me... and i'm scared they will leave. and it is messy yuk.