Oh ((((((((AntiMatter))))))))...this is awful. Of course it's completely triggering and brings up so so so many issues and the one person you probably *need* to work through it with you *can't* work through it with. I'm so sorry.

Things fell apart with me and T this winter, slowly, over a few horrible months, and I finally terminated in June. In my case, since I terminated, it feels like there is a chance to go back and work through some of what happened...but I don't know if I'll ever REALLY feel like we've worked through it. A lot was said, a lot of trust was broken, and mostly I think it's stuff I just can't get back, ever.

I really think it's worth it to find another T to work through it with. I still may do that myself. You need someone to hear your story as many times as you need to tell it, and to help you contain all of the big fears and feelings that it's bringing up. You deserve help with this.

Remember that it's not black and white...this doesn't have to be the "perfect" therapist, no promises have to be made, etc....you just need someone to help you through something that must feel impossible to move through on your own.

I'm SO sorry, Antimatter. I would be totally spiraling out too.