thanks again.

i hear what your saying. its so hard at the moment. im not on anything to calm me down. they are trying to put me on Seroquel. but im a little hesitant. I hope it gets better. im just a massive painful wreck at the moment. i feel like im in a black hole spiraling into nothingness. i know itll get better. i do. i just dont want to remember things anymore if its going to shatter me like it has been. im in the process of writing my therapist a letter now explaining this. she said she like my letters, so i guess ill keep writing to her. it makes it easier for me too. i drew her a picture thursday, and it worried her a little. but at the same time she knows how lost and shattered i feel. so thats got to be a good thing right? i just wish there was some miraculous way for it to all go away. its silly i know. but these feelings are just taking over everything. my day, my sleep, my thoughts, my feelings. i cant escape anywhere. Im fighting urges to just run away at the moment. all i want to do is dissapear. im not even sure what i mean by that. but its how i feel. i really do appreciate the time and effort you have put into your responses, and the time you have taken to read this. it does mean alot.

(((open eyes)))

thanks again.