Okay. This is a weird question (it's sort of two) and it has several parts. Please hear me out.
1. Gender issues:
To start off, I'm a girl, but I'm not so sure of how much I relate to it. I used to be a girly girl, but now feminine things make me uncomfortable. I like shopping for guy clothes, and with a few exceptions, fit in better friendshipwise with guys. When I say I want to look like celebrities, I give examples of male celebrities instead of female ones.The only thing really feminine about me is that I still like nail polish, some jewelry, makeup, and prefer to shave my legs, though I've never found that weird on guys either and also prefer them shaved so I don't know if that counts for anything.
When I masturbate (this is awkward, I'm sorry), I don't like to directly touch myself, nor do I like fingering or any kind of penetration. I kind of just rub my clit through a tissue or underwear. When I've tried direct touching, I get creeped out and turned off. I can't even wear tampons. I've tried inserting them twice and got so disgusted I couldn't bring myself to do it. I also dislike the idea of getting pregnant, I'd rather impregnate someone.
Finally, when I watch, read, or write pornography, I prefer guy on guy or girl on girl. When I watch porn with two guys, I feel envious of them/their bodies. When I watch two girls, I get turned on and find it hot, but I don't necessarily want to be like them or get envious of them.

These are all reasons that I question my gender identity, and then I have a problem with relationships.

2. My sexuality:
This is something that may be unconventional. I find myself attracted to any gender (pansexual), but there's a slight catch. I don't want to be anyone's "girlfriend." And by saying that, I don't mean that I want to wear the pants in the relationship but I want to be and be referred to as a "boyfriend," even if I'm dating a guy. Even if I married a guy, I'd want to be the husband and have him be the wife. This kind of thing happens in many situations, even slow dancing. I danced with a guy, and insisted that I put my arms on his waist, and he put his arms around my neck (is that weird? I mean he did it, but I don't know if that's okay)

This is where the two connect. I see how girls that are lesbians could be the type that liked a "butch" girl, and could possibly not mind referring to me as her boyfriend. But what if it was a guy? I feel like the kind of guy I would want, the more feminine type that would be a "girlfriend," would most likely be gay. (Are there any straight guys on here who would be okay dating someone like me? I don't think this is entirely normal, but maybe someone has the same issue.) I feel like the things I want in a relationship are not okay for a girl to want, which makes me further question if I even identify as a girl.

I know this is long and complicated and pathetic, but could anyone offer advice or a similar experience?