Can you look into therapy groups that deal with relationship abuse? I think the problem you're having is regaining your own identity outside of the relationship. 5 years is a long time, too. That's why I suggest a group setting where you meet people who are in different stages of recovery from abusive relationships. They could also be good because you can make friends with other people at these groups that can help keep you motivated. It can also be a tool to learn what a healthy relationship is so you don't end up dating a guy who is similar to your current.

Since you posted I think you really do want to get well. Keep posting, too, and give updates. You may need more positive feedback so you feel good about no contact.