I really struggle with the word "depression". I think I have pinpointed why: if I am clinically depressed it means that my moods are not my own fault. So I have to force that word through what feels like a physical obstruction in my chest and throat. (T hasn't said whether he thinks I'm depressed or not. I'm really scared to ask.)

And I relate to what you say, Nightlight. I don't think I could talk about crying, not with T, that is. Not because it's a forbidden topic or anything, I just couldn't say the word.