When I word it like I did it would seem like those would be good reasons for being depressed but most of those things are done and unchangeable. I understand this and think I've accepted that. I try not to think about it most of the time.

My husband isn't the kind of person who is comfortable talking about this. He thinks if I just keep busy, I'll be fine. Its so hard for him to relate to. I seem perfectly fine to him. I'm functioning..doing things so he doesn't understand how I can also be depressed. Do you see what I'm saying? I can be depressed without actually looking like I'm wallowing in despair. And there is no way that he would go to therapy with me. Its just something he wouldn't do.

The medication is helping. Its helping me function. Its helping me sleep. It must be .. a month ago I was a wreck. I know this whole thing will take time. I'm still trying to figure it all out. Wondering if I will find my old self again or if a new self will emerge when this is over ...assuming there will be an end to this depression. My doctor believes there will be. I've never gone through this before and he said it would be very unlikely that I will go through another. I'm in my mid-40's.

You don't sound insensitive at all. I'm not suicidal ..I couldn't imagine hurting other people that way.

I'm not concerned about leaving my job.

The greatest fear I have is the comfort zone I have with this depression. I don't even know if anyone can relate to that. I feel like I could become a complete hermit. I don't call anyone on the phone. I avoid people as much as possible. I don't go out if I can help it. Its not out of fear or anxiety...its out of pure desire to be left alone. I never used to be that way. I was very social. That is what scares me the most.