The current batch of meds I'm on do a good job of keeping me asleep but in the process of getting there I have these horrible waking nightmares that I keep forgetting to mention to my pdoc. They are horrible. The meds make make it so I struggle to wake up out of the nightmare. They always happen just as I'm trying to fall asleep. Last night one of them was my son screaming for me to help him but because of the meds I couldn't wake myself up. It was a dream, my son is away with my ex. Then I struggle awake and I can tell that I'm having a hard time waking up. I've had to actually get out of bed to avoid falling right back into the same nightmare.

I seem to have the nightmares more when I have an empty stomach which really sucks because one of the issues I'm having is weight gain from the antidepressant. I've been through so many antidepressants and this is THE ONLY one that works for me. I know I just have to deal with the nightmares. I do need to mention them to my pdoc.

I just needed a place to vent.

Remeron 30mg - only antidpressant that works for me - causes weight gain
Lamictal 100mg - keeps the Remeron from making me manic even though I'm not bipolar (ironic) - by itself this med actually makes me depressed
Klonopin - 1mg at night
Topamax - currently 0 because at the higher dose it was causing gastrointestinal upset. Hoping to go back down to a lower dose to counter the weight gain from the remeron as soon as my stomach settles down.
Naltrexone - stops self-harm urges